As I approach what used to be considered old age (mid-fifties and beyond) I realize my planning has been based on my grandparents life spans. Well actually my grandfathers’ life spans. Both of my grandfathers died when I was in elementary school. That would put them in their late fifties or early sixties. They looked old, acted old and had old tired bodies at that age. When I look beyond my grandfathers to my grandmother’s I realize longevity is in my genes. My grandmothers and great aunts all lived well into their eighties, nineties and beyond. I have an aunt who is 100 (8-15-09). In fact there are so many people living as centenarians a new term has been developed for those living past 110 years – Super Centenarians!
Obviously the ‘retire at 65 and live happily ever after’ fairy tale we were fed as children is not the life we can anticipate with ever increasing life spans. Unless we are independently wealthy or have large retirement resources set-aside we must consider what we will do after age 65 as perhaps second, third or even fourth careers. My friend and colleague Barbara Penn-Atkins has written a book which I recommend “70 Is the New 40! Bonus Years to Come.”
As I ponder these changes I am also looking at the opportunity we have now to shape a retirement that is exciting and vibrant. Why should we consider the latter half of life as a downhill tumble? Why not think of ways to make the journey exceptional!
So I began to look at some areas that would make life exceptional for me and ways to help other people find exceptionality in their lives. Some thoughts that came to mind follow.
Never Stop Dreaming! Roger von Oech said that “Dreams are the opening edge of our craziness”. I have used this concept to keep ideas flowing and work progressing on jobs for years but why not apply the same principal to our lives? The Bible says that “people who have no vision die” (my paraphrase). So why do we think we can just stop dreaming and let life happen? If you haven’t seen the movie the Bucket List you might want to check it out. Whether you have a terminal diagnosis, a chronic illness or just a sedentary lifestyle you can make it better by dreaming again!
Maintain a Sense of Home! Have you lost the sense that your home is your home? Have you determined that moving into a room with your children or an assisted living community means you will just live as an outcast the rest of your life? Well stop thinking defeating thoughts and start thinking about what makes home feel like home for you! Put a lamp in your room. One you like to look at that will soften the light instead of having to use the ceiling fixture for everything. Cover your bed in colors and patterns you love to see. Make sure you get covers you like to touch as well. Get a picture for your wall – your children, spouse, favorite vacation spot. If you have already reactivated your dreaming you are already way ahead of me on ways to transcend dullness and make your space feel like home. If you’ve been there thirty years maybe its’ time to de-clutter. Make you home a new home by getting rid of the clutter and reorganizing those favorite pieces of furniture you haven’t looked at in years.
Communicate Your Needs. Sometimes we get in a funk because we feel like our family and friends don’t care about us anymore. This is usually a misperception based on a lack of communication. We spend so much time being self reliant we become afraid to offer help when it seems to be needed. Communication is a two-way street so two pointers are these:
1. If you need help ask explicitly – “I have been so swamped with caring for your Dad. Could you schedule a couple of hours once a week to stay with him so I can get out of the house?”
2. If you see a need for help offer explicitly – “Mom, you look like you need a break. Why don’t I stay with Dad every Tuesday afternoon so you can have a spa break?”
This little bit of direct communication can help families reconnect and spur discussion again. Maybe the solution you offered isn’t right for your loved one but if you will listen with a willingness to hear you may find another solution that works for both of you.
“Mom, I have to work but I would be happy to help by paying for a couple of hours of in-home care while you get out. Are you willing to try that Dad so Mom can have a break?”
Don’t let old expectations bog you down. Stir things up a bit and make your mature years exceptional!
